ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize