I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
