I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
