apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
we should paint friendship bongs
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