She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
