I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
