I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
