I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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