.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
No more Irish car bombs ever.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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