you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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