it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
