At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
