soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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