Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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