Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
