You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
