can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
