You're so nebulous sometimes
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
