You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize