a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
