guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize