I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
That's intense
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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