I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
