I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
