Sry I called you an 8
I am puke
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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