i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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