What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
