I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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