Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
