So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
