i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
