He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
