He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
