I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
