I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
