note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
A+ Viking dick
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