Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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