We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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