Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
