He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
