After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I still have a little drunk in my system
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
