i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
