The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm both gender and math confused
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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