Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
