One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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