She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
