Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
