Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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