he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
