I'm going to jail i love you
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
