i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
