he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
