Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
