And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize