is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
