Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
