If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
COCAINE IS GR8
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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