i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
