Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
