I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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