A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
