What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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