I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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