I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
