He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
