I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
