That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
