I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize