i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
