have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
