I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He better not be in your backpack
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize