there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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