a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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