shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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