only if we run a train.
done.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
